Since my current really-important project, my child, my manuscript is nearing its completion, I've been putting a lot of nostalgic thought into its beginning. It goes way back, back when Mama taught me how to read, bit by bit, letter by letter. Lately (for some reason, perhaps a nearby national holiday or something) all I can seem to think about is my Mom, and her influence on my current literary status.
Say what you like, you independent adults you, but my dependence on my Mom will never leave me, be it time, fire or high-water. I'm utterly in love.
Not all moms are connected by blood. Mine is. The essence of moms are incredibly difficult to capture in words. They're more complicated than fathers (not as people in general, but as literary characters!) They have histories in history, full of stereotypes and skirts, expected behaviors and quiet, submissive, perfect-on-the-outside, gentle through and through, everyday's-a-new-day-so-the-mother's-childhood-never-comes-into-the-picture kind of stuff.
A lot of the above has to be tossed out of the window. Moms are real people. Write them as real people. Imagine them as children who have children, because that's what they are. They're tough, they're wise.
Some women give birth to their children. Others find each other later in life. Some women aren't worthy of the title "Mom" (or Mama, Mommy, Mati, Moeder, Ahm, Ama, Móðir, or Ammee, depending on where you live), and others deserve it to the tenth power.
As a writer, I've always had an easy time inventing and writing about fathers. There are bookshelves full of "good" real, 3D fathers. Atticus Finch and Mr. Penderwick for example. We could argue about their parenting skills, but what I was looking for was there: they cared about their children. They were intelligent, present, invested, dependable, trustworthy and sane. I wrote about fathers like this because I needed to write fathers like this. I was hungry for them. It was easy-peasy lemon squeezy.
I soon found out, however, that moms came much harder for me. How do I create an authentic mom?
Don't look at me, you never gave me parents.
I didn't?
N-ope. Talk about a confusing childhood, which I also didn't have.
Wow, I should probably look into that. Sorry, Johnny. Well, one thing that can help when you're trying to make a mom character that readers would love is to make a list of 10 reasons you love your mom. Whatever form she may come in.
Here's mine (listed in the order they pop into my head):
The way she smells (which is like vanilla and patchouli)
When I was shorter than the sink, she would play the piano after we were all in bed (she still does that sometimes)
That she isn't afraid of getting dirty when she's gardening
That she's up for adventures
That she's imperfect like a human but infinitely wise as a matriarch
Billy Joel and Fine Young Cannibals
Deep reading is a happy occupational hazard
That she's honest with other people without hurting them
That she's honest with herself
That she's mine
Write well, Be well
"Always be joyful. Never stop praying."
-1 Thessalonians 5:16-17
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